The Will to Change by bell hooks
I’ve always dreamed of love and found it frustrating and confusing that I had no idea how to attain it. This left me numb and when the potential for love in the form of caring and wonderful people came along I was never ready. This book has taken a few read to truly sink in, but it has genuinely changed my life for the better. There is a lot of media that portrays men as being lost, angry and confused, which I feel is an accurate reflection of society as a whole. However, bell hooks is the first person I’ve come across to offer an effective explanation for why this might be and what is needed to make this change for the better.
This book has helped me to realise that the only way to work out what I want is to accept my feelings, no matter how painful they may sometimes be (it will get better I promise). When we are cut off from our hearts, how could we expect to genuinely connect with others? Society has rewarded being out of touch with feelings for far too long and it has lead to an inability to love. Men of feeling can often feel isolated, as they expose what most are hiding. The Will to Change has helped me to carry on regardless as the value of being true to yourself is worth being made fun of. Men were ridiculed for objecting to the Vietnam war, this courageous act is just another example of the importance of standing up for what you believe in. Any mockery is something you can take in your stride as you work towards becoming a person of integrity. Even though I understood and valued what was said in the book, I found working out how to act based on it painful and confusing. Positive male role models are hard to come by and observing role models in the area of love is difficult and potentially quite creepy if they don’t know about it! Therefore, I found myself utterly rudderless whilst trying to find what is right for me. Just trying to be the opposite of what I don’t like to see in other men such as being selfish, abusive, violent and bigoted is not enough. I had to take the plunge to discover my own positive values to be whole; the book paid for itself in teaching me this lesson alone!
The writer agrees that breaking free of an emotionally bereft mindset is hard, but that’s why it is so important to begin working on it now! Getting back in touch with my emotions was what I realised I needed to do and therapy helped me massively with this. It may not be for everyone but I don’t think I could have done a lot of the work I have done without having a knowledgeable other to hold me accountable whilst ensuring I was not being too hard on myself. There are plenty of ways to help in finding your true self and I’m sure there is a way for everyone to do it. The Will to Change encourages us to seek help, ‘no man is an island’ and the sooner we all realise it, the more fulfilling our lives can be! Change is almost always good, even if it is a bit painful, you will grow from it. It’s much easier to flee than talk when thrust into the unfamiliar. I recommend this book to anyone who needs the motivation to take the courageous first step towards greater honesty, awareness and integrity.
