The Heart of Tantric Sex by Diana Richardson
I had no idea what to expect when I picked up this book, which seems to be a running theme. I was extremely surprised to find that my views on sex and love generally aligned with the principles espoused in this book. I am quite an idealistic person but when I take a knock to my confidence it can stop me from moving forward in ways I would otherwise like to. Sex is no exception and I think I have developed anxiety around it due to experiences in the past and that had led to me losing sight of what I see as important in favour of trying (and often failing) to meet other people’s expectations, or potentially what I think they expect! Having this book reaffirm ideals on openness and removing an end goal from sex has helped me to reflect on how I would like to approach it in future. The author offers a reassuring and deeply liberating guide to self-acceptance and love.
The book treats the body as a whole and encourages being in the moment and raising consciousness of your body. Find what feels right to you and it is probably not far wrong! Richardson suggests that if you and your partner are both doing this then it is almost certainly going to be a better experience than one where you are aiming to please someone else, you will never know how to feel them in the same way you can feel yourself. I would love to know if the ideas presented in this book seem obvious to anyone? In many ways they are, but equally, I’ve not heard it expressed in such a way before and the simple things are often the most important to be reminded of. The key points presented after each chapter are worth reading even without the rest of the book, they offer clear but insightful value on love and the body. The principles are universal in many ways and I think that makes it easier to put these ideas into practice if you aim to live consistently, actually, this is quite difficult but also straightforward if you are mindful and believe it’s worth the effort!
If anyone is looking for particular tips on intimacy then it does contain those in what the author calls the “love keys”. It breaks down how we communicate and understand each other through what we say and what we feel through touch and see, with a focus on being in the present moment, Awareness of the body and what we say and hear is a big deal in all aspects of life, but again it is a simple thing that is often neglected. This is not a guide on how to get guys and girls to like you. The teachings aim to help you become more conscious of yourself and who you are with to make relationships more fulfilling. We all want more intimacy and love in our life, so it is confusing as to why we are not always honest about that fact. However, when we consider that love is one of the most precious things we can find or offer it is no wonder we are scared to give it or cautious when it seems to be developing. My main takeaway is not to aim for anything particular and just be instead. Be with myself and with the other person, sharing the present. Now with regards to putting this into practice, it will certainly be awkward but more often than not being more awkward through this new found Bambi-esque innocence will lead to less awkwardness and greater intimacy in the long run!
